09/18/2005: "'Do you remember the day, when we had a long, long way to go?'"

I make it a note to title nearly all of my journal entries, even if the title doesn't always directly seem to relate to the subject of the entry. I assure you, it does. It's just that sometimes it only makes sense in my own head. For some reason, I can't really compile my thoughts together right now to write anything in there that works, that feels right. So.. whatever winds up being there, I wrote it at the last minute before submitting this.

Not really going to write much. It's 0313PST and I need to be up in 5.5 hours if I'm going to be up and ready to bike down to the Japanese church. Technically, I need some sleep. Alas, I don't even know if I'm going to go tomorrow. Might as well, though.. nothing better to do with my morning, and if anything, I hear hanging through pays off.

I guess this is long in the making, but I'm a bundled up ball of emotions right now. Kinda like a ball of yarn, just a little more twisted and not as easily unraveled. All at such an early hour in the morning. I'm not clear if I'm making any sense right now, but everything is just so.. intensified. All those things I usually hold back, the things I don't say, the feelings I hide, I really don't want to right now, nor do I feel like I should. At times like this, it's really best if I don't have access to e-mail or IM clients. I've been known to write some rather awkward stuff to people who really don't need to know.

I just hope that a paltry amount of sleep will fix this. I need to be up, chipper, and praising god in just a bit. I think somewhere in the bible it says something about "Thou shalt not use the church to findeth someone to teach thyself a foreign language".. but, honestly, I can't remember that passage, so it must not exist.

Hmm.. yeah, I need to go before I make even less sense or, worse, start writing things that I'll later regret. I don't really think I'll be able to sleep right now, but I really think it's my best choice right now. Stare at the roof through the darkness for awhile and hope that clarity comes in the morning.

Oh yes, I ooze optimism and happy stuff right now.

So.. I'll write someone later. Hopefully I'll have a bit of a tighter reign on my feelings when I do.


Jason