10/11/2005: "Oh, joy. Just what I needed for this week.."

So, apparently this week wasn't going to be challenging enough. The powers that be figured "You know, Jason's just not having a good enough time."

Right now, I'm still in the phase where I'm almost finding this amusing. Amusing in that bitter way, but still amusing. It's also amazing how mental stress can take form in physical symptoms, like how I feel so terribly sick right now (then again, that might be actual sickness as well.. I suspect I've been getting sick, but I've been ignoring it).

Tonight, for seemingly no reason, my PC died. I think it's the power-supply, which it looks like I'll have to get some money together to replace.. and I pray that's all it is. I can't afford to replace a powersupply right now, much less any other PC components.

I feel so powerless and helpless in my own life right now. A torrential storm just washes through, and I stand here, left with little else to do other than wonder when the next storm comes on through. Tests, papers, books I need to read... and now my PC. Awesome.

I want to sleep right now. I dearly want sleep, but I know I can't. I'm going to lay down after pressing "submit", but I know I'll be met with the roof staring back at me. I hate that feeling. I hate knowing that my best efforts are doomed from the get-go. Once I do get to sleep, I'll be waking up shortly to go take a bus to school. The drummer keeps on drumming, the marchers keep on marching.

I'm sorry I haven't been around and more supportive for those around me. Really, I wish I could. I'll look back on this and realize how little I've done for those who have done so much for me.. and it's a shame.

.. off to bed I go. I figured I'll write.. sometime, but I can't say when. This week's shot, and I have alot of catching up to do to get my most recent projects back to life on my laptop, since I have to start some from scratch. Work keeps you busy.. it keeps you out of your head. Work, work, work.

So.. I'll write sometime later.


Jason