02/25/2006: "'The pieces of me..'"

I don't have time to write anything interesting and/or thought provoking, but I figured I should write a bit of something before I go running off to bed.

Waking up in about 4.5-5 hours, then heading to a Japanese festival that's being held in the state. It should be interesting, and it'll be nice to see all the different cultural things. I'm going to try to get photos.. but we'll see what happens. Oddly enough, I've already been to an authentic Japanese festival (more than one, actually), but I'm still interested in going to this all the same. Of course, I should be bogged down with work this weekend (studying and writing my Japanese speech).. but I suppose concessions can be made.

The rest of the week went well enough, I guess.. but Tuesday really did take alot out of me. I don't take failure or loss well, especially not doing that poorly in the subject that I put the most effort into. Pointlessness, worthlessness.. it all sunk in quick and deep. But ultimately.. I can't let this ruin me, or what I've worked so hard to achieve. My goal is to speak and understand Japanese, which I feel I'm on the track to doing. What I score on the test, especially a test given by a teacher and taken from a book that I was unfamiliar with, isn't what's important. I'm still aiming for top marks in Japanese, so I'll work at it harder.. but I can't let numbers ruin something more important.

Doesn't mean I feel any better, no. But it added some perspective to life.

I'm nearly hellbent on going to Japan this summer.. even if just for a month. I need to find a job to support myself in Japan.. but even if I can't find that, I'm inclined to try to go anyway. There are some things you can't put a price on, and even if it is dreadfully expensive.. what's more important? Having money sitting around, or pursuing your dreams? Of course, a job there is ideal.. but I'm not sure if I'm going to let that factor stop me.

I really need to go to bed. Time's ticking away, and my chances for sleep are slipping with them. Slept only 4+/- hours yesterday, so two days in a row isn't going to help. Have a long car ride ahead of me tomorrow, which I'll hopefully be able to get a start on my speech during. If I don't have it drafted by next weekend, then something must've gone horribly wrong.

To everyone I've not kept in the best of touch with (and Joe's poor Christmas present.. I still have it in my room, but getting to the post office and everything all set up has been something I can't seem to get around to. I will, I promise).. I'm sorry to be remiss as a friend. It seems that I tend to fall down on that job far more than I care for.

Time to go sleep, or at least try to.

Oh.. and quickly: got a checkup at the doctor's today. Apparently I'm healthy-ish, no real problems or anything of the sort. My heart even beats, I hear. Though I lost 3 lbs. Nothing dramatic, and that's since I last saw a doctor (November or December). Not sure if that's good or not. Ah well! I need sleep.


Jason