09/29/2006: "[Library]When will I be in "the future"?"

Yet again, sitting in the library and killing time for several hours while I wait to meet the person aptly known as "Japanese guy". I didn't bring any school-related materials (other than my notebooks for the classes I had today and my Japanese textbook), so I might write the outline for my research project on Japanese pop culture. I honestly have no idea what to do in the outline, but that's never stopped me from writing a paper before.

I should be getting a haircut sometime soon, but I don't really want to this today (despite having nothing better to do). Perhaps Monday?

It feels like my hobbies are dying away as of late, and I really don't like that feeling. I guess it's all a matter of that "growing up" thing, and I understand that school is important, but it seems like a just do the same thing day in and out, there's really no distinction between days other than which class I attend, what language I wind up speaking, and whether I passively listen or sit there and pontificate. I think I need to try to restructure my time or do with a bit less sleep and try to fit in things that I enjoy doing. Or at least that's the ideal. Not sure how to go about that yet, but it's something to think over.

I end up wondering exactly what is coming up in life. Most of my years have been spent preparing me for the future: years of schooling, life skills, problem solving, "character development", all that good stuff. But what you're not prepared for is exactly what this "future" concept is. Where is it? How do you get there? When are you there, and when are you still traveling? I wake up some days and take a look around, then I realize that I'm not in the same world I used to be. The things you "hear" about start to occur around you. They're not the topics of serious tv shows anymore, but life issues. Affairs, assualt, police trouble, accidents, hospital visits, death, rape, addiction.. when did this stuff start happening? I didn't live much of a sheltered life, not by any means. But I'm still shocked as to how this stuff happens.

After I graduate, I'm suddenly faced with having to go out and get a job to use my "skills", or go on to a grad school. Going to grad school is something "adults" do. I definitely don't feel like one. It's what I want to do, but a concept I still can't wrap my mind around. Go out and get employed? What does that even involve, anyway? I know people graduate from university, then they go to work. What happens between these two points is something I know nothing about. To make it more complex, I'm most likely going to be working abroad, in Japan.

Does everyone feel as confused as I about this? It seems like people either aren't concerned about these things or have some plan for their life, like they already know what they're going to do with their life.

As per usual, there's nothing I can do about any of this stuff in the here-and-now, so I can just continue on day to day. The future will come when it does, I guess.

But all I have to ask is.. are we there yet?


School