[Library] There's a reason for sleep

Current Sounds: A whole lot of nothing, except the air conditioning unit.
Currently Feeling: Exhausted

Class got out early, so I'm at another campus waiting for my afternoon appointment. I'm still not sure if I can make it back to my afternoon test in time, but I should be able to (if not, I think I'll still be able to take it even if I'm late).

I plan to sleep when I get back in. It turns out that general functioning drops off at a pretty severe rate when you're tired (strange, isn't it?), and having to bike across town doesn't help much. I'll make it through the day, but it's not going to be fun.

The rest of the week shouldn't be too hectic. Just some small assignments to do, and that's about it. If anything unexpected comes up (as it usually does), I'll be sure to complain as if it's the end of the world (as I usually do).

I'm going to go review my class notes and waste some time, in the hopes of feeling somewhat productive while I wait. Hopefully they'll get all the problems settled at this appointment so I don't need to go to any others. Bouncing around between departments that don't talk to eachother is quite a hassle.
School on 04.26.06 @ 01:36 PM JST [link]

I'm alive (kinda)!

Current Sounds: Ai Otsuka - 5:09am

There's irony in the fact that I had said last night that the one thing I wanted was just a nice block of quality, uninterrupted sleep for more than 5-6 hours. I even went to sleep early to make this possible (12:45am is early, by my standards). Yet last night, I simply couldn't get to sleep. Once I did, I didn't stay that way. Finally, I got tired of it and just got up. To say that I'm tired would be a bit of an understatement.

To make it more fun, today's one of my busiest days this week. Everything's scheduled within +/- 5 minutes, and I have to travel between campuses to go between class, an advising appointment, and then a test. After proofreading this, I also realized I can't spell today. Yay!

Otherwise, the week's been alright. Just been busy trying to get my admissions stuff out of the way. No single person knows the entire story, so it's your job to bounce around between people and try to make a complete picture. I'm sure it'll be worth it once all is said and done, but right now, it's hectic.

Hmm.. not much else going on. Classes are coming to an end, so this means lots of tests, finishing up on work, and starting projects I should've done 14 weeks ago. Not too bad, I just want it to all be over with (though, as I've mentioned before, I always find the end of a semester to be bittersweet). I got the DVD of the speech contest yesterday, though I'm not sure if I can subject anyone to it. It's about 2 hours, 45 minutes long, the quality's a bit iffy, and.. well, it's a speech contest. I still haven't watched it for more than a few minutes to confirm it's working, but I think I'm going to avoid watching my own speech. From what little I remember of being on stage and performing it, I did horribly. Would rather not relive the experience.

I should get a copy of my school transcripts and get ready to leave. There's going to be alot of biking today.

Anyway, here's a quick photo from the speech contest. Yes, I have a tie!

In the midst of the speech
Jason on 04.26.06 @ 09:08 AM JST [link]

[Library] I'm early

Current Sounds: A symphony of typing, clicking, and whispering.
Currently Feeling: So.. dreadfully.. tired

Well, I'm early.. and by quite a significant amount, so I naturally decided that a productive way to waste my time would be by rambling and posting these thoughts into a massively public forum.

Didn't sleep much (for a variety of reasons: went to bed late, couldn't sleep, woke up several times, etc), so I'm not exactly coherent nor the most entertaining person. But fortunately, I finished all my school work that needs to be done for today, so there shouldn't be any problems (if it comes to it, I can reasonably make it through the day without being awake and giving half-hearted, semi-sensical replies). If this were Japanese, there might be a problem. I notice that when taking a language class, it takes a much greater toll and requires more attention than any other class. Not that this doesn't make sense. It's an application class, that's taxing your brain to work in different ways, to come up with dynamic answers, etc. Other classes are, regardless of subject (except math perhaps), are most memorization classes, not application. I just need to know how campaign finance laws work, I don't need to conjugate it into causative-passive form and then make a sentence.

But this is all pretty random.

I don't have classes tomorrow (teacher's out of state, so not much can be done), which means that I have a 4-day weekend. Not too shabby. It should also help for the poster project I need to do for one of my classes, which I still need to do some of the research for (did I mention that it's due in 5 days?). Other than that, I think I'll try to kidnap someone tomorrow, if available, to go out and do something. We'll see how that goes.

That's about all I have for now. I'll probably go wait outside the classroom and read a book until the previous class leaves, then find my seat and continue reading. Almost done with this book on Japanese history (it's into modern-times now, about the 70s-80s), no idea what I'll read after this.

Off I go..

Ah, and yes, I really need to post that picture from the speech. I have a decent one, but I just haven't gotten around to it. I will soon.
School on 04.19.06 @ 09:58 AM JST [link]

[Library] So much time, so little to do.

Current Sounds: Typing, typing everywhere.
Currently Feeling: Neither here nor there.

I may have a test this afternoon, though I may not. This remains to be seen. I already read through the chapter that I think the test is on (if I'm wrong, this is going to be a rather unfortunate day), which leaves me with a bit of free time.

Normally, at a time like this, I'd try to study some kanji, or something else otherwise productive. But, alas, I forgot to bring the papers with me, so no luck on that. I think I'm going to forsake my book on Japanese history for now (though I've already hit the Meiji period, so the histoy segment's nearly done, and we'll be coming into post-war soon, something that I haven't had a chance to study much), and don't really feel like playing a Japanese RPG, so.. I think I'll abuse school computers and play some nostalgia-filled "Super Mario Bros. 3". Oh.. good. They DO have Java installed, so this will work.

Life's been a bit on the strange side lately. Seems like things are hard for alot of people around now. I guess all you can do sometimes is get up day to day and try to do the best you can do. I'd go into more, but.. well, I believe in at least keeping the details of people's lives (especially if told in confidence) at least somewhat private, and.. well, I guess there's not much to say, other than my own ramblings.

Might be going out to dinner with some classmates tomorrow. Haven't settled on it, but I probably should. The experience, camaraderie, all that stuff. I'm really too much of a private person. No matter how many times I say that it's not good for me to be that way, I don't seem to actually go about fixing it. But really.. I shouldn't keep it up.

I also should be getting the DVD of the performance tomorrow. Should be interesting to watch, as I honestly don't remember much of anything from standing up in front of the crowd and reciting the lines.

I think I'm going to head off, having already rambled for awhile. May be going somewhere tonight.. may not. Rather don't know yet. But.. at least it's a somewhat short week this week. That's always good.

Off I go..
School on 04.17.06 @ 01:48 PM JST [link]

[Library] I'm too old.

Current Sounds: Two-Mix - Just Communication

Plans changed, had to catch a bus to classes again today. Might I add that it's a good 90 minute trek by bus to get here, at the campus that has been forsaken by any and all gods, the very one that I swore I'd never return here. Yes, life is funny and ironic. But at least I only have about another month of coming here, and then I can make another pledge to never again return (and hopefully will be able to keep it this time).

The point? No real point. I'm just mildly tired (woke up early), and I'm far too old (at the ripe age of 20) to be waiting at bus stops for long periods of times and running across streets to catch a bus. I also need to remember to eat before I leave the house. Alas, I'm just never hungry.

Poor Sean, he'll be 21 tomorrow. Practically one foot in the grave, you know. As an interesting side note, I only really associate someone closely with one or two people that are younger than me. Though my life, almost everyone I've known (at least somewhat as a "friend") has always been older.

Now that we're on the topic.. the whole concept of a "friend" is really odd. It seems fairly straight-forward, cut up from out "friends" and our "best friends", but it isn't really that easy. The people we talk and associate vary from our social situation. There are people that we "know", but aren't really "friends" with. But some people would call them such. For instance, there are people I took classes with 1.5 years ago, and whenever we run across eachother in the halls, or on the way to class, we stop, talk, catch up, and then move on. Do we really care about eachother? Probably not. Are we actually interested in what is really going on in their life, or just that which impacts this impromptu social encounter? There are also people I take classes with now. We talk before and after, we team up on in-class assignments.. yet we never exchange any way to contact eachother outside of class. Our relationship exists in the classroom, and ends at the door. And I'm perfectly fine with that.

Then there are people whom you know, however it is that you met (since I'm a student, it's usually through school), you keep in touch. If they're having a hard time, you'll skip your classes for the day to go out around town with them (this is what happened yesterday). There are people who, after losing touch with for more than a week, you actually worry about (as of yesterday, I had to track someone down. Luckily, e-mail is good for that). There are people you'd go the extra mile for, because you know they'd go that far for you.

But all these people, depending on who you ask, are all "friends".. which I find odd. Personally, I'm much more conservative in who I call what, most of those I know are actually just that: "people I know".

Not that I'm likely to tell someone that they're a "friend" of mine to their face. I rarely even refer to people by name, that'd just be really awkward. But it's that distinction that's important to me.

Anyway.. I should run to class so I can be horribly early. Wouldn't want to be only "kinda early", now would I? I intended to post pictures, but due to having to leave earlier than I anticipated, I didn't get a chance, and I don't have them on hand. I'll try to add those later tonight.

Off I go. Somewhat busy-ish tomorrow (birthday-extravaganza, for the aforementioned person), no idea about the weekend. My schedule's almost always clear, but somehow people find a way of filling it up. We'll see. Eventually, I need to call that group from Taiwan. I also need to stop being lazy.

Yes, yes.. I was leaving.
School on 04.13.06 @ 02:44 PM JST [link]

One more thing..

Current Sounds: Two-Mix - GundamW - Last Impression

Have I ever mentioned that I'm terribly impatient? But the thing is, I don't do anything about it. I just.. want things to come, and quick.. but I don't do anything to speed things along. Kinda odd.

Just one of those things I feel compelled to mention. Like watching water drip through your hands, when all you want is a drink of water.

Now, I really need to go to bed.
Jason on 04.13.06 @ 12:51 AM JST [link]

Sleep is good. Now, why am I not doing that?

Current Sounds: Television in the background

It's only.. 12:30am. Gah, way too early to go to bed, but I've been incredibly tired lately, and I don't seem to be sleeping all that well. I'll probably be sleeping soon.

Today was actually rather interesting, much more than I expected it to be when I got up this morning and was preparing for school. In fact, the entire day changed as of 9am, and I didn't actually make it to school. But that's alright. It was interesting all the same.

Instead of being cryptic, I would go into detail, but again.. I'm really tired. I also wanted to upload some images, so I might as well do it all at the same time. I'll try to post tomorrow if I have a chance, with some images from the speech contest, and some more ramblings about where life's going and how it's been.

Okay, can't focus enough to form complete sentences anymore. Going to bed.
Jason on 04.13.06 @ 12:32 AM JST [link]

There's a cat outside my window...

Current Sounds: Two-Mix - Meeting On The Planet

With the speech finished and the all that behind me, I have to get back into the normal schedule and get to work on new projects. It looks like I'll be a little busy this week.

I have two tests that need to be written and finished by mid-week, along with 20 workbook pages. I think there's a test on Wednesday (I don't know yet, but I'm pretty sure), and next week I need to do a research project, along with a bibliography. I'll get to work on all these thing tomorrow.. I think it should be alright. It's a bit hectic, but that's not too bad, right?

Bonus: I know next to nothing about what my research project is about. This will be interesting.

I'm still not sleeping well, or very deeply. I don't know what this is about.. it's really strange. But, it's only been one day. Maybe it'll bounce back soon? I don't like being tired through the day, and waking up drowsy.

Other than all that.. I had a nice day today, walking around town doing nothing important other than talking and hanging around with people. It's good to do that from time to time, and to try to let the day to day stuff go away, or at least forget about it for a bit. Even if I don't want to, I really need to try to be more social. It seems so easy to just not try, and to keep doing what I usually do.. but I honestly think that it is hurting me by keeping to myself so much. Knowing this is the easy part. Doing something about it is the hard part.

And on that note, I think I'm going to try to get some sleep early today (by an hour or so!). I'll try to get as much of the tests and work done during class as I can, maybe it'll save me some time tomorrow night.

I'll have some pictures from the contest soon.. I'll upload those when I can.
Jason on 04.10.06 @ 12:55 AM JST [link]

Speech Contest: The aftermath

Current Sounds: Within Temptation - Stand My Ground
Currently Feeling: kanashii da yo ne..

Took "honorable mention" in the speech contest.

That's about all I have to say right now.. I guess I'll post later, ideally in a better mood.

Disappointment is a strong, painful emotion. But I got something, I guess.
Jason on 04.08.06 @ 05:48 PM JST [link]

A blustery day

Current Sounds: Full Metal Alchemist - Kesenai Tsumi

Ten hours until the speech. I have about 80% memorized and that I can, for the most part, recite. I'd work on the rest, but I'm too tired to get anything done right now. Instead, I'm going to read it over a few more times, sleep, then work on it again in the morning.

I'm still rather nervous, but I think that's normal. I'll do my best, and then I'll see what happens. I can't really do anything else but worry, and that doesn't fix anything.

Other than that.. I guess that's about all I talk about lately. At least it'll all be over tomorrow. Today, I studied and read through the script over and over again, watched movies, and tried to relax a bit. I'm still not sleeping well, alot of waking up and some not-so-good dreams (which are usually pretty vivid). I'm hoping it's stress-related and will go away soon enough.

Did I mention that I got to eat M&Ms (the candy) during class this week? Not sure if I did. I think so.. but if I didn't, yes.. it was alot of fun, and though I don't really like chocolate, it was still really cool. I kinda feel like I'm in preschool again in that class sometimes, because we're coloring pictures or cutting things out, but I think I like it more than sitting in a long science class and only taking notes.

I should probably go to bed now. I need to wake up early, so I'll get going! I'll try to post sometime tomorrow after the competition with the results.

Oh, and:

mikasan ha kore wo yomu no? shiranakatta. itsuka, jikan ga areba, comment wo shita hou ga ii deshoune.
Jason on 04.08.06 @ 02:32 AM JST [link]

Pasting half-formed thoughts to make them whole

Current Sounds: Chocobo's Racing - Treasure Chest of the Heart

I think my head will explode. Or at least it seems like it. The stress is getting to me, and by the time I make it to the end of the day, I can't concentrate well. This makes memorizing a speech harder. I know that I'll do alright, I should be able to memorize it in time, and that I'm worrying too much, but knowing that and being able to do something at different things. I'm just too nervous.

Other than the anxiety, the week's been kinda slow. Got an A on my test from last week, and an A on my Japanese kanji test, and have been watching movies through the week. So far, I've seen "Lord of War", "The Exorcism of Emily Rose", and alot of "Duck Tales" (the cartoon series). Soon, we'll be watching "Dark Water" (the Japanese version, based on the book by Suzuki, Koji, which I've read), "Land of the Dead" (wasn't exactly my idea), and "Short Circuit 2" (a really great movie).

I'm still not sleeping well. The dreams are getting incredibly vivid and bizarre, too. I'm just hoping that this is related to the stress and nervousness from everything this week and will hopefully pass.

Anyway, that's about enough rambling from me for now. There should be pictures taken at the contest, so I'll try to get a copy uploaded eventually (I'll even be wearing a tie! How special), and the whole contest is being recorded, so I think I may need to grab a DVD copy for someone. Will have to contact them about that. But no, don't worry, I won't be uploading it and forcing people to suffer through it (nor would I normally let people watch it anyway).

Until then, I have copies of the speech posted online in both English and Japanese. Do note that my name and college were shortened just because I'm a bit paranoid, but otherwise, that's exactly what I'm memorizing.

English Version
Japanese Version
*You must have Japanese fonts installed on your PC to see it on the second one. If you just see blocks, that's why.

Well.. wish me luck..
Jason on 04.06.06 @ 10:43 PM JST [link]

[Library] One step at a time

Current Sounds: Typing, scrolling, and the chatter that shouldn't be in a library.

Taking a brief break from studying my speech in order to type up a brief message and post it online for the world to read (not that the world's interested, but we're talking about "in theory" here).

I'm at roughly the.. 35-40% mark in the speech, and can recite it with a fair degree of accuracy. Emoting is still not coming across well, so I need to work on that. As soon as I finish this, I'm going to pace around outside so I can actually read it aloud, instead of just reciting it in my head, hoping that vocalizing it will help build the oh-so-valuable connections in my brain to help me remember it clearer (which, in theory and in practice, it usually does). These are the mornings that I wake up as wish that I was actually good at Japanese, where things feel so discouraging. It's probably because I haven't been sleeping much or well (most of the sleep I do get is fairly light, I wake up frequently, and odd-to-troublesome dreams).

So! This means that I've been playing "Sims 2" again lately, and intend to play more of it upon getting home. It's a fun game, and micromanaging someone else's life is so much nicer than my own.

Other than this, I don't have too much to say. Killing time until my afternoon class, go home, go to school tomorrow, waste Friday, do the speech Saturday.. and that's as far as I have planned.

Why is my afternoon class so boring? Too boring, in fact. I just can't pay attention. I write notes, I read the book (the day before the test), and my grades are alright, but when I'm in class, the time drags out and it feels like I've been there all day. The morning one isn't so bad, just really long. However, today we ate M&Ms in class and did activities for most of the time. Much more fun.

I'm going to head off and speak Japanese in public, and people are going to stare at me.

I'll write sometime a bit later, and I'll try to post about the contest once I know the results. Hopefully, it won't go too poorly..
School on 04.05.06 @ 02:09 PM JST [link]

'Let the anger change the world and set us all free.'

Current Sounds: P-Anime - Go! Go! Moldiver

"I cannot forgive the ones who tried to steal our dreams."

(now, these are the lessons we really should be teaching our children)

Turns out that I was not only feeling sick, but I was sick this weekend, especially on Friday. There's not much to say about that, other than that it wasn't pretty. I was feeling better and better over the weekend, but it seems like I hit a certain level that I'm stopping at. Just feel generally "not well", but no longer full-blown "sick". This is rather annoying.

Better yet, my performance at the speech contest is in 4 days. To say that I'm nervous would be an understatement. I only have the first 5th memorized, and even that I'm not too comfortable with. Over the next few days, I need to cement it in my head, mostly through reading it nonstop, and reciting it as much as possible. If I can find an empty classroom on campus this week, I find it helps to stand in front of a room (albeit empty) and practice a few times. At this point, I'm not really sure why I signed up for the contest in the first place (though, for participating, I'll get an extra 5% bonus points in class and a free t-shirt with the Japanese Speech Contest logo on it, or something). Too late to call it quits, though.. and even if I could, I wouldn't want to. I don't really feel like doing it, but.. it's for the experience, right?

I should get going to study my speech for an hour or so before going to class. Wish me luck.

(gah.. I need to update MN soon. Been too busy on the weekends)
Jason on 04.04.06 @ 01:03 PM JST [link]