Between the real world and the land of dreams.

Current Sounds: Library normalcy

Can't.. keep.. my eyes.. open. I really need to stop doing this to myself. I wake up incredibly tired in the morning (due mostly to the fact that I go to sleep incredibly late) and stay in a general state of being half-awake, half-asleep all day. Alas, I know I'll keep doing this day in and day out. Tonight, I'll be up late, and tomorrow I'll wake up early again. Lovely.

Don't really have much to say about my day, as not much has happened and I'm not really aware of much of my environment as it is today. Too tired to pay attention to the world around me. I have alot of e-mails I need to reply to and some phone calls I need to make as well. Not too good. Unfortunately, I seem to be avoiding the world right now. It's nothing personal against anyone in particular. I'm just kinda avoiding things in general.

I need to be more social, though. Or at least I think I should. It'd be better if I actually knew some more of these "people" things. I think it would help. Not really quite sure where to start on something so abstract as "being more social", though.

Not sure if it counts, but I believe I'm going to church this Sunday. Need to make a few phone calls and check up on the information (time, meeting place, etc), but I don't forsee anything standing in the way of this. Now, I should add that I'm not exactly keen on this, but I am going voluntarily. It's just a long story as to why I would do something like that. Let's just say that I think it can stand to do me some good, and not for the church value. I'll go into it later, when I can string two thoughts together into something that makes sense.

I need to go walk about 15 feet to my classroom, so I should be off. If I have time, I have a web browser running on my PSP now, so I can post, get online, etc from my PSP. Yay! Typing really isn't fun, but when you have enough free time, you can write fairly long passages (as I did in Japan with my cell phone).

Off I go to class. Odds are I probably will be half-asleep, it'll be good if I can take some notes at all.. since it's the second day, I don't imagine it'll be too important anyway. I just hope I'm awake enough for Japanese this afternoon. That's actually important.
School on 08.31.05 @ 04:35 AM JST [more..]

Don't stay up late, boys and girls. Especially on a school night!

Current Sounds: People talking and laughing in the cafeteria.
Currently Feeling: Tired..?

At the campus killing time right now. Yay for wireless cards! It's much nicer to not be on a library computer. I'm also downloading the FFXI update right now (the server went down while I was in the middle of that last night), so I should be able to play FFXI while killing time on campus (I think I have about 10 hours free per week just waiting on campus). I'll be using two characters, one I'll be playing and partying with people I know at a set time per week and another I'll play on my own during free time. Probably a black mage. I'll post server and character info when I get it.

Slept about 4 hours last night.. I'm quite tired. Luckily, I managed to resist the urge to play "Act of War" last night before going to bed, or else it would've been less.

Just realized I don't have as much time as I thought.. Waiting for FFXI to finish installing and then I'll run off to art and pretend I'm paying attention. Have another few hours between classes (FFXI!) and then I have math. If I manage to stay awake in math, it'll be a miracle.

Oh! I saw Pretty Cure this weekend! I need more episodes.. it's really good. I probably will be updating the journal with a theme from that soon.. or something else. Need inspiration soon. Also played through half of Coded Arms [PSP]. It's alot of fun! Definitely worth "buying".

So.. gotta run. I'll write more later.
Jason on 08.30.05 @ 03:25 AM JST [link]

So much time, so little to do.

Current Sounds: Some guy who's lost and talking, dreadfully confused over simple instructions
Currently Feeling: Watashi ha netai desuyo!

Found out that the West campus doesn't offer wired lan access. Sucky, sucky, sucky. And here I didn't pick up a wireless PCMCIA NIC last night. I'm going to be at this campus for such long periods of times, I need it. NEED. Of the "I might figuratively die" variety of need. And we all know how upsetting it would be if I figuratively died. Or I might go insane from lack of decent internet access and start eating caulk and literally die, so.. hey, I think this kind of thing is important.

Sad how I used library computers all last semester and now it seems completely out of the question now. Mostly because I bothered to drag a laptop with me, it seems like I should be able to use it. At the very least, I can use it at DTC in the afternoons (unless they changed their network, in which case I'll definitely go insane). I'll probably be on this for a bit longer and then go offline to play "Act of War" [PC]. It's a really fun RTS game, from what I've played last night.

Today's my first day of school, and thus far.. well, I haven't had any classes, so I really have no opinion. My first class starts in an hour and my second one starts even later.. blah.

First week is always dreadfully boring. Just sit in the room, sing a song, hold hands, and the teacher reads a paper to you that you have sitting right in front of you. Honestly, I'd just play a game on the PSP if I could get away with it, but somehow I don't imagine it would go well. I recently got Lumines and Coded Arms for the PSP *coughdownloadedcough* and they're both alot of fun. I also want to try out "Dynasty Warriors", which I also "acquired" a copy of. Must.. play..

I guess I don't have much else to say. Two classes today, two tomorrow. The only one I'm really looking forward to is Japanese, though I'm bothered by that one a bit as well, since I have a new teacher. And, regardless, the first week is destined to be boring anyway. I'm mainly curious what the new person's like, how the class is going to be run, and if any of my old classmates decided to continue. Should be interesting.

About it for me.. need to finish up an e-mail and then I'll probably go head off to find my class, sit outside it like a lost puppy and play PSP games. I'll write more later, when I have a chance. Ideally, I'll be able to redesign this, too. For some reason, I don't really like how it looks now..
School on 08.25.05 @ 02:46 AM JST [link]

All I see are stormclouds..

Current Sounds: PGSM - C'est la vie

For some reason that I don't understand, I can't seem to sleep past the six hour mark. Went to sleep really early today, too, but I still can't sleep more than 6 hours. Quite annoying. I was hoping to try to catch up on some sleep today.

Finished the coloring book today and posted it to the message board. Need to add it to the website later today. Overall, I think it came out well. I like it. I'll probably never use it, but it is really cool. I want to add more pages, particularly CCSakura. Next up is the GBemu that I need to edit and implement. I'm really hoping that it won't take so much work.. but I kinda doubt it. When all that's done, I want to redesign my journal. Probably either a PGSM or Precure design. Probably. I've also wanted to do something with MetalGear..

There's a thunderstorm going on outside right now. Really quite nice, and I'm half-hoping for rain. Unfortunately, tomorrow/today is my last day to get stuff done before school, and I still need to do that birthday shopping that keeps throwing me into bouts of confusion. I have all my school book shopping done, so I don't need to do anything school related for the last day, other than figure out where my classes actually take place (which consists of me writing some class codes, class names, teacher names, and room numbers on a piece of paper. Now that's high-tech).

I need to write some e-mails and I don't really have anything to write here, so I guess I'll get going. Ever since getting back, I nearly constantly feel half-awake sometime in the afternoon, the world stops feeling real. I can still carry conversations, but I find that while I'm talking I hardly seem to have heard half of what the person said and what's going on. I really just need to sleep. The problem is, it's not working, even when I try.

So, until this sorts itself out, I guess I'll just be mildly more productive, as I have more time in the day to get stuff done.

I'll write sometime again later, probably after the semester starts up. Today, I plan on finishing up that birthday shopping (I won't leave the mall until I've found something), go out to a few places, update the site, start the emu, and then I'll be heading out to dinner at one of my previous JPN classmate's new apartment. Should be nice.

Raining full force now. Hopefully it'll stop in the next few hours, as I have to walk a few miles today to get to and from the mall..
Jason on 08.23.05 @ 10:27 PM JST [link]

Arg..!

Current Sounds: A&E, some murder show..

Just writing a quick entry, I'm in a classmate's apartment, killing time and hanging out, on their laptop right now. Today's been interesting, have been out for about 8 hours. Went to the mall, had dinner, and now we're just sitting around and talking. Forgot to grab my PSP, otherwise we could be playing some Ad-Hoc game. Ah well.

Need to buy some cards and definitely a birthday present within the next few days (along with getting my film developed) so I can ship off a package and a letter within the next few days. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what to get the person for their birthday. Definitely going to take some form of creativity I can't seem to find right now.

Just realized I hadn't discussed the travel from Japan.. or have I? I don't think so. Anyway... it sucked, I almost got thrown in jail and banned from Japan by immigration, and all that good stuff. Yes, I'm serious. However, by some act of god none of this horribly bad stuff happened, so.. best to not worry about it, I guess.

Don't know what to buy..!! If gender differences make it hard to fiind a good present, cultural differences don't help. Maybe I'll go down the cheesy/sentimental? Hmm.. dunno. I need to work on this. Luckily, I have a few days. Also need to get something small and nice for the other people who I'm sending a package off to. They were really nice to me while I was there, so.. they deserve something (which is why I'm sending a card and photos).

Alas, I'm rambling. Did you notice?

Now that school's restarting, I feel like redesigning my journal. I tend to do this during "changes" or sorts. Almost did it before I went to Japan as well. I'll have a fair amount of free time between classes at school, but currently I don't have a wireless PCMCIA card. That really, really sucks, especially as I just found that they're not so cheap. I can use a lan cable until I can afford a card, but that might be awhile. It'd just be nice to get online in the cafeteria or anywhere around the campus. Ah well..

Current redesign idea is probably Futari wa Pretty Cure. The anime looks really cute and nice (a new magical girl anime that's really popular in Japan right now). I downloaded an episode last night, but it's ep. 32, so I probably won't have any idea what's going on. I wouldn't mind going through and using it as a theme. Might be cute.

Am also tempted to redesign MN, but with all the work I have to do on the new stuff I want to implement, I really don't have time to try to completely redo MN. Especially with all the pages and wanting to keep them all interesting and different. I want to get all the new stuff in soon, probably within the next week (I have a few days free before school starts). Just need to find a Java decompiler and recompiler. Anyone know of any good programs for this? I don't know any Java yet, but.. hey, I'm sure I can figure out what I need to.

Doubt I'm making sense right now. So! I'll stop writing, but maybe I'll write within the next day or so.

Just need to figure out what to get that person for their birthday.. gah!
Jason on 08.21.05 @ 04:47 PM JST [link]

'Follow me, set me free, trust me and we will escape from the city.'

Current Sounds: 03 escape from the city (Sonic 2: Battle [Dreamcast]), BBC World news
Currently Feeling: You don't want to know.

8 hours until I leave Japan. No, I'm not a happy camper.. but I guess people are tired of hearing that. Watching the news doesn't really pick up your mood either. Just makes you wonder exactly how much of the world actually deserves to live. Sure, I'm probably bitter and more than a tad jaded, but honestly, with all the corruption and the horrid behaviour, sometimes you honestly have to wonder why some of these people deserve to live. For a little background, I'm mostly just.. annoyed/upset with the disturbing fact that people honestly go to Cambodia for sex campaigns with children so hideously under age.

The thing to remember is that the news goes out of its way to not tell you these nice, important things. At times, good things can (and supposedly do) happen that the news neglects to talk about. People don't watch the little old lady who saved a kitten. They want to hear about misery, woe. The soldiers who died today in an accident, the citizens being removed from their homes, the pedophilia committed by visitors from abroad, and... gas prices?

But I really don't feel like talking about all that right now. As big and bad as the world is, you can only concern yourself with it so much. I have my own problems to worry about, and they seem to be all I can concentrate on for any period of time as of late.

So, we'll ramble.

Went to Harajuku to meet with a penpal yesterday. It was fun to meet up with her, walking around and talking for a few hours. She also wanted to speak in English most of the time, so that was always nice. Not that I can't do Japanese, but.. it usually is rather stressful to have to speak only Japanese for so long (and I'm still sure I sound like an illiterate monkey when I speak Japanese. In all fairness, though, I think all monkies are illiterate.. or at least most). Had a brief lunch and went to see her school in Kanda (mostly a business district, really nothing of note to do there. Lots of businesses for work during the day and bars for relaxing at night). Later in the evening, I went out to Akihabara again to pick up an electronic dictionary and bought a set of PGSM figurines. The dictionary is not only smaller than my paper one, but my old dictionary has a combined set of 50K words for English to Japanese and Japanese to English. This electronic one not only provides extra features (kanji lookup, most notably) but has 75K English to Japanese and 65K Japanese to English, nearly 3x my old paper one. And the PGSM figurines? Well, they really don't help my learning Japanese, but they do add to my obscenely large overpriced anime figurine collection.

I really don't want to leave today. I suppose that just makes sense though.

About 12 hours on a plane today.. but unlike how I was before arriving, I feel fine about that. I've already travelled with 4 bags from station to station for 29 hours with no sleep, going through an airport with two small bags and sitting on relatively low-key airplane flights doesn't strike me as so bad anymore. Unfortunately, I'm arriving back in my mysterious "home city" at 2:30PM, which is really far from ideal. Getting back early means I still have the whole day ahead of me, I still have plenty I can deal and work with, which I honestly don't want to do. I just want to get back and ignore the differences, ignore the world around me. Gah. No fun. Now I have to sit around, chat about the trip, all that stuff I like to not do. Luckily, the photos won't be done for a few days. I can try to delay until then. The day after I get back, I need to go out to my school and try to get all my stuff together. Also need a bus pass and other fun purchasing stuff. Oh yeah. Fun.

I've been staring at and typing in this box for the better part of an hour, so I'm probably going to cut this now since I don't seem to be getting anywhere.

Most certainly I'll be back in the states next time I write. As soon as I arrive in my city, I plan on being dropped off at a fast food place and immediately grabbing some Mountain Dew before heading off to go to all those places I used to go to so regularly. Mayhaps I can delay the inevitable. I just pray that I recall how to make purchases and use American currency (what's really sad is that, and I'm being completely honest here, I don't recall if we have a $5 bill in America.. I think so, but.. do we?).

So.. off I am. I'll write sometime after getting back, but knowing me, it'll be a bit.
Jason on 08.17.05 @ 11:01 AM JST [link]

Find that which matters and never let go.

Current Sounds: Oasis - Wonderwall, and the television in the background.

Not sure why, but the Japanese news is getting hardcore and depressing today. First we had a story on a murder (I think it was a triple homocide, the person using a knife. I wouldn't know much, as it was all in Japanese) and now they're talking about September 11th and playing audio clips from radio calls from rescue workers (which I can understand). Even though I'm mostly detached from that situation, and it was nearly 4 years ago, it's still troubling seeing the people's shellshocked eyes as the jackal news reporters are struggling to get a comment from someone, or hear the panic in the voices of the rescue workers as the building comes down right around them, some trapped in the rubble.

I've been busy here in Tokyo, running someplace nearly every day. It's been nice, to be honest. We travelled 29 hours by train, I went 20 hours without eating and 48 with only 3 hours of sleep.. so, yeah.. travelling sucks. However, once I arrived in Tokyo (aside from nearly passing out in the train station due to the stresses on my body), I've had a really good time. Friday I went with Hitomi to Shinjuku-gyoen (a large park) and walked around the city, Saturday I met with with another penpal of mine, Mika (I really should call her by her nickname), and we went to Ueno zoo (I've been there 3 times so far, for those who lost count) and dinner at First Kitchen. We were out for about 9 hours, 2 at the zoo and the rest was spent talking. This talking was done completely in Japanese, though. My Japanese is really not all that good, but I can apparently hold out for a long while with it (even if my head winds up hurting afterwards).. that's good, I guess. Yesterday, I went to Hitomi's house and met her mother and sister (along with getting to see her room and home). Her family is incredibly nice. Really great people. We had lunch, looked through photos for a while (Hitomi used to have the cutest hairstyle when she was in junior highschool), went to a sushi place for dinner and talked for awhile, and then went home. A shame it was so short (about 7 hours, so really, quite awhile). Maybe I can stop by again the next time I'm in the country.

Today, I'm going to Yokohama to meet one of my students from back in Kushiro (she's on summer vacation and happens to be pretty close at the same time I'm in Tokyo. We were going to go someplace in Kushiro, but the schedules never worked out). Not sure what we're doing toda, but it'll be entirely in Japanese. As I'm sure I've mentioned many, many times, my heart seizes up with nervousness whenever I look to having to speak Japanese for a whole day. I've done it before but.. well, it's quite difficult. I guess it's only fair. But, I think it'll be a good time, even if it'll be a struggle to figure out how to get across what I want sometimes.

Tomorrow! Meeting with another penpal in the afternoon in Harajuku, plus in the evening I want to go out to Akihabara and blow the money I have left, probably on an electronic dictionary. The electronic ones have upwards of three times the words my paper one does (it has about 50,000 in total. The ones I'm looking at have about 154,000+), plus it's much more compact. In the morning I'm going to go out to breakfast with a girl who's staying at the hostel here. She's really nice and fun to talk to, and I think she wants to talk, but unfortunately I've been out nearly everyday. Bah.

I need to get running to go get dressed (still in my night clothes.. not like anyone really needed to know) and then head to Yokohama. I'll probably be about half an hour early, but I'd rather that than late.

I'll probably be home the next time I write..

[Edit]

Added a comic someone so kindly drew for me a few days ago. How terribly sweet of them! Anyway, the link is provided below.

alexia_jasoncomic
Jason on 08.15.05 @ 10:41 AM JST [link]

Left to savor the bittersweet taste of progress..

Current Sounds: Little kids talking in the library..
Currently Feeling: Nervous..

Will be leaving Thursday (11th) at 5AM, taking my first train at 6AM from Kushiro eki. Won't bore you with much of the travel details, but it'll be about 27 hours in total (going entirely by train) over about 11 stops. Longest train is about 12 hours (from 9:41PM to 9:48AM, overnight), and that one goes under the ocean between Hokkaido and Honshuu. Honestly, I'm not looking forward to it. I really, really don't like travelling all that much.. terribly nervous sort, really. Sure, I like when I actually get to the place, but I hate the anxiety that persists for days on end before I travel long distances.

Citlali got delayed a day, so I'll have less than a full day to see her.. rather unfortunate. I wanted to go to the airport for her arrival, but Cris really wanted to get online to talk so someone, so I decided to sit back and stay in town. I spent about an hour reading/writing e-mails and then watched "Spirited Away" here for the next two hours. The movie selection isn't bad.. too bad I didn't take more advantage of it.

Overall, I dread having to leave here (mostly due to the high amounts of stress involved in travelling by train for long periods of time in Japan), but I really look forward to arriving in Tokyo. Not only do I really enjoy Tokyo, but I have plans and people to meet, so I'm excited about that. I also just want to go around and run through Shinjuku and Akihabara, run through the games and the electronics. I'm going to the Imperial gardens, too. Should be exciting. I'm also going to Yokohama.. never been there before, so it'll be fun (even more so since I'm meeting a student there, so they know their way around). I might drag Cris down to Kamakura, since we have rail passes and it's free, plus it'd be nice to go.

I haven't really eaten anything all day, plus I have some stuff to do (video conversion, etc), so I'll probably get going. Not sure when I'll write again.. probably won't hear from me until I'm in the hostel in Tokyo (sometime this weekend. I expect to be in Tokyo on Friday, but I'm busy most of the day and will probably be tired). Not that it's important, I guess.

Nervous.. bleh.

As for MN.. yeah, really bad about that. I'll update really soon!

I'll write soon, when I can. Should hopefully have pictures from the trip to post up within a few weeks.
Insecure on 08.09.05 @ 05:26 PM JST [link]