Taking stock of time

Current Sounds: Transformers - Dare

So, I finally got around to uploading a random assortment of my academic papers, which are now available via the side-bar ("Papers", in the first box). I have many, many more (about 30+ in the folder I keep my writing assignments in), but they're really boring and no one would really want to read them. These, I feel, are at least slightly informative, and maybe people will learn something from it. Assuming anyone actually wants to bother reading.

Over the past few days, I've gone about doing some general cleaning: tossing out (donating) old clothes I no longer wear, digging through drawers and moving/reorganizing/tossing out stuff I don't need or use, etc. It's weird to go look through all these old papers, old school notebooks, and letters to and from people I hardly even know now. Gifts I never sent, projects I've started but never finished, journals transcribing trips I've taken, photos of places I've been and the like.

It's pretty much that time of the year where you take stock of the past, criticise the present, and reevaluate the future. Fortunately, hell or high-water, I'm deeply invested in the current plan towards my futuru (though where/what that's going to be, I couldn't possibly say), so that keeps me from having to bother with that much. I'm also not keen on New Year's resolutions, so that's another one down. Still, though, I can't help but feel that I'm doing something wrong and quite possibly failing myself in the mean time. Since when did I start listening to people, anyway? I'm especially sensitive towards people trying to change me, which seems to be the position I've gotten myself into. Generally, I had a tendency to quickly discard such comments, attempts, or even people if the situation got serious enough. I don't mean to sound heartless, but if the person isn't content with who I am, I don't see why it is that I should change myself so people will like me. And yet somehow, here I am, for some reason or another, in a position where I find myself giving in, changing, and accepting things I'd otherwise disagree with. Somewhere, distantly, an earlier incarnation of myself is very angry about this, I'm sure. As it is, even I'm unsure how this has come about, or even where it's going in the future. Blah.

Have I mentioned that I tend to be opposed to change? I'm sure I have.

I really do need to run now. Going to probably play games, do some more reading (finished 'Jarhead' yesterday, it's a pretty good book though I felt the narrative was a bit rougher than it needed to be), and then ring in the new year with some sparkling apple cider with my younger siblings. Other than that, no real plans.

So, off I go! Next time I write, a new year will have started.
Jason on 12.31.06 @ 05:42 PM JST [link]

Academic Papers

Current Sounds: Prozzak - Be As

These are a selection of papers I've written while in school and found mildly interesting/entertaining to write. Depending on the class load, I'm generally writing upwards of 7 or so things per semester, but many are really short and just technical papers about astronomy concepts/news or philisophical points. Nothing anyone really wants to read (and I didn't want to write). I have cut out bibliographies because they're boring, but if anyone's interested in pursuing any of these subjects, let me know and I can provide the info.

Note that I'm oft writing for a page limit, so they tend to get a bit wordy. Also, these are my works, so naturally, do not steal them and use them as your own scholastic paper. That's cheating (and one reason why I don't provide bibliographies).

Have at it.

Chinese Modernity
Modern Japanese School System
Modern Chinese School System
Japanese Literary Analysis of 'The Sea and Poison'
Japanese Literary Analysis of 'Requiem'
The Minimization of Males in Japanese Shoujo

Writing website with misc. works
Jason on 12.31.06 @ 02:19 PM JST [link]

Happy Birthday (to me!)

Current Sounds: Sonic Adventure - Escape From The City

Well, I have now officially made it 21 years, and in pretty much one piece! This is something of an achievement, I'd like to think. Alas, I don't feel any taller, smarter, or otherwise 'more awesome', which means one of two things: These factors are not related to age, or, I've already hit the peak and I can't possibly get any better/more amazing. I'll leave it up to the individual as to which is the case.

I'd like to say that I've learned alot in the last year, and I probably have. Alas, after a year of small lessons, corrections, and changes, I can't really tell you what, exactly, I have learned. I can say, though, that you don't quite outgrow stupid decisions, as even just last night I was out doing things that I knew at the time were stupid and, in retrospect, were still bad choices. But, hey, life goes on. I find trying to not repeat stupid decisions/choices is a much better/more easily obtained goal.

Looking back, I'd say it was a decent year. Graduated with an AA, got a good running start on the rest of my degree, and things are all on-track, or at least as much as I can control. At least that's how it is scholastically. On a personal level.. not so sure. Yet again, I've let several opportunities slip away due to inaction and, especially recently, I've seen myself changing more and more, which makes me uncomfortable. I guess that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, though, to be worried about things occuring in your own behavior; if you don't like the changes, why do you let them happen? But it's all natural progression through life, I'd think. I just happen to not be terribly keen on change in general.

So, in short, not too bad. I'll keep the nostalgiac rambling short, though, as we still have New Year's for that. I'd hate to have nothing to ramble about when that comes.

My only real concern right now is doing whatever I can to not get sick. I can feel it coming, I can tell it's there, but I'm desperately trying to pretend I'm not sick.
Jason on 12.30.06 @ 11:17 AM JST [link]

Current Sounds: Starsailor - Way To Fall

So, merry after Christmas! All told, things went alright. I made it through in one piece, most of the things I sent out this year made it on time (the package that was going to be late to Japan even made it!), and I've come out on the other end with new, nifty things.

In an attempt to be moderately responsible, I've started cleaning up my room (something I've neglected for far too long), tossing out old stuff I don't use/wear (they'll be donated), and general reorganizing. Not exactly my favorite aspect of the holiday season, but necessary.

I had some stuff I 'earmarked' to talk about when I got around to writing, but I need to get ready to head out. Apparently I need to (get dragged to) go out for after-Christmas shopping. Fighting crowds and the like. So, you've been saved from some long-winded one-sided conversation this time.

To compensate, I have some photos I uploaded. The first one's me and the horrors of what happens when I go on break and don't shave for 3 weeks (I look like quite the hobo..), taken about 5 minutes ago. The second two are before-and-after shots of Christmas. It goes from nice, tranquil, and serene to pure carnage.

These photos can be found under "more..." at the end of this entry. For anyone who's curious, I always upload photos this way so as to save anyone who just checks the main page from having to scroll page large photos and download all the data. Oh.. and by clicking the images will bring up a 2x version of it (I shrink all images as they're posted to fit into the journal entries).

Alright, off I go to battle crowds. Elbows out, shoulders stiff, and dead, glazed-over look. Got it! Wish me luck.
Jason on 12.26.06 @ 12:34 PM JST [more..]

The trifecta

Current Sounds: Kimi ga Nozomu Eien - Precious Memories

Winter break, Christmas, my birthday, and New Years. I've already figured that this time of year was a conspiracy centered around making you evaluate those you know, where you're going in life, where you've been, and giving you the free time to really let it all sink in. Or that could just be me.

Needless to say, that seems to be what most of my thoughts have been centered around. That, and the fact that I'm seriously running behind in this whole 'Christmas thing'. I need to run to the post office tomorrow and send a package that will arrive late.

Not really sure why I felt like I should write something, just seemed somewhat necessary. I talk lately, but it all just seems to be words, and I'm not always even paying attention. Just continuing to run these cycles of thoughts over and over in the hopes of finding some answers to questions I also don't know.

Anyway, gotta get up early to run to campus and sign some paperwork (assuming someone's in the office) and mail a package. Oh, and buy some crackers. Need crackers.
Jason on 12.21.06 @ 03:37 AM JST [link]

Final grades are in

Current Sounds: ZOE - Beyond the Bounds

Got all my final grades back now. So, for your viewing pleasure (since we all know that you all wanted to see my grades because they're oh-so-important), I figured I'd upload a copy (with that 'unimportant' and/or 'semi-sensitive' information censored). The classes included Japanese pop culture, Japanese WWII literature, Chinese modern history (1850 to today), Japanese language, and Japanese linguistics (the difference being that language is to learn the language, linguistics is the study of how the language functions and how sentences/words are formed). Next semester, I'll be taking even more credits (aiming for 18.. dunno if I'm going to do the independent study class for 3 credits yet). Unfortunately, it actually takes some work to graduate in a timely manner.

On that note, I just have to mention something: I'm really tired of news articles discussing how students are now taking 5 years to graduate for a 4 year degree. These articles look at the hard details and then make rash judgements about why. Being that I am a student, I think it's fair to say I have some experience here. Often (though not all the time), it's not that students are just lazy, but rather that they're getting tossed around by the system and have few choices for pursuing their degree. With more and more students, universities are offering less and less classes. This means that certain classes fill up right away, and some others simply aren't even offered. This leaves students taking classes they don't even need just to fill up time. For example, if I wanted a Japanese linguistics major (which I considered), it'd be nearly impossible for me to do, as they only offer those classes in the fall when you're lucky. I had a friend who was doing this, and she had to change her major due to lack of classes in the spring. This is the only reason why I'm a Japanese history major: It's in the right field, I'm somewhat interested, and there are enough classes to make sure I can graduate in a timely manner. So, while the easy answer is that students are lazy now.. one should consider another side to the coin. As for me? I plan to get this done as soon as possible.

You can ignore this, actually. I'm just happy about the grades.

Jason on 12.19.06 @ 11:44 AM JST [link]

Those late night ramblings

Current Sounds: Inuyasha - My Will

Yet again, it's terribly late and I'm far more introspective than I really should be. School's also out now, my birthday's coming up, it's Christmas time, and the year's coming to an end. This ultimately leads to evaluating one's current life, the past year, and where you're going. Keep in mind that this is liable to not make much sense (as I tend to skimp on details). But note that nothing worthy of concern is going on.

The thing is.. I don't really think I like where things are going. This isn't a matter of schooling or anything. All told, I think my schooling's going alright, and even if it were to not, I'm hellbent on my current track and have no desire to change what I'm doing. I promised this is what I'll do, and that's what I intend to follow through. No, where I'm concerned is in me as a person, and how I'm changing. I tend to be rather resistant to change in general and continue on in my own way, regardless of what's happening around me. I always thought of this as good. But as the months have passed through this year, I find myself changing in little ways here and there, disregarding 'this' or paying new attention to 'that'. At the end of the day, I don't think that I've compromised myself or my morals (or is that just what I prefer to tell myself?), but I oft wonder how it is that I've come to the varied decisions I went through to make it there.

In the grand scheme of things, this is one of those many circumstances that just occurs in life. Comes and goes. Alas, I don't live in the future, but in the present. Looking back on the past year, even if it's not really much in the way of events, I see alot of decisions I've made. If 'me' from a year ago were to look back over this.. I know he'd scream.

And yet, ironically, I'd probably mostly agree with him. I guess it's fair to say that I tend to oppose change.

At that, I really need to go to bed. Have to be up semi-early-ish to do some more Christmas shopping and get some things ready.
Jason on 12.19.06 @ 03:13 AM JST [link]

Cooking, movies, pretty eventful day.

Current Sounds: FFU - Chocobo Walk, Anywhere

Woke up early today, spent a good period of the day out cooking and watching movies. All told, we made spring rolls, caramel apple muffins, and "bilo-bilo". Had a really nice time actually, and had alot of fun. Though since I woke up so early, I'm incredibly tired now.

So, I'm going to bed pretty much right now. Might watch a movie or something while I sleep, but I'm pretty much at the point where my eyes are open, but I'm really not awake.

Oh: I got my Chinese history grade back. An A! Quite pleased about that. Now I just have two more to go, and I'm really not worried about these last two.

Off I go. Wish me luck. Really need to get alot of Christmas shopping and shipping out of the way this week. Gonna be busy.
Jason on 12.17.06 @ 10:54 PM JST [link]

'No more pencils, no more books....'

Current Sounds: Natasha Farrow - Calling To The Night

Took my last final (isn't that an odd term?) yesterday, now I'm pretty much done with school stuff until January. I also got two out of five of my grades back: both A's, thus far. I'm not terribly worried, as I know I passed all my classes. The only question is "to what degree". I'm confident I got A's also in two of the other classes (both related to Japanese language.. harhar!), the last one.. well, we'll wait and see (if you no longer hear me mention that class ever again, assume the worst).

This means I now have about 4 weeks off. As odd as it sounds, I actually would rather not have that much time off. I don't like sitting around and doing very little. I'd consider doing a winter-semester class, but this is both insanely expensive, and I have all my semesters pretty much planned out from here to graduation. If I take more credits now, it means I have to take some more useless classes later just to pad out my schedule. So, basically, I'd be spending alot of money so I can take classes I don't need later. Not exactly a good idea.

Instead, I guess I'll work on a few translation projects over my break (as I did in summer) to keep my Japanese skills in use, maybe work on some programming here and there. Otherwise, I guess I'll be getting around to playing those games and watching those movies I have piled up.

This afternoon (in less than an hour, actually), I'll be going out to do some of that much-needed Christmas-shopping I've failed to get around to. I also need to run to the post office early next week to mail off some packages to Japan, since I've procrastinated far too much. As I grow older, Christmas seems to come faster and faster. But I guess it's also fair to say that life seems to go faster and faster. Like watching a movie the second time, you get used to the usual and pay less attention. It's all the new stuff you're interested in seeing, really. You see, I'm old. And I'm not even 21 yet.

Speaking, my birthday's also coming up, a subject I'm dearly trying to avoid. I'll be free of (most) government restrictions. Alas, I still have absolutely no plans. I suppose I'm just not terribly exciting. No plans of moral debauchery, not even the vaguest intention of if I'm going to head anywhere. We'll see how it goes, but I seriously doubt there's going to be much to report. I'm just that much fun.

Anyway, I need to get ready to head out and do that 'shopping' thing, go spend money I may or may not have.

Off I go!
Jason on 12.15.06 @ 12:49 PM JST [link]

Finals week, a good time for all.

Current Sounds: Starsailor - Way to Fall

Two finals down, two more to go. I think I did alright on the two previous ones, though the one I did today was kinda iffy. I felt good about the midterm and didn't do so well on that one either, so we'll just have to wait and see. I have another tomorrow and the last Thursday, but keeping my eyes open long enough to even glance at a book is seeming like a rather unique challenge. Not really sure why I'm so tired, though. I guess I just haven't been sleeping much/well as of late. Tests and such do that to you, I guess.

So, that means I need to study soon, but there's really no chance of me getting around to doing it. Logic says this isn't good. I can probably study later tonight and a bit tomorrow morning, so it isn't bad. What's better is that I'm running an A average in this class and doing alright. Plus, it's Japanese, so it's nothing you can really study for.

Sleeeeeeeeep.

To my credit, I spent the weekend (Friday-Monday) playing a game for 22 hours in total, start to finish. That's only 5.5 hours a day, so not so bad. I probably should've been studying.. but I'm going to conveniently overlook that silly fact. I mean.. why would you study when you could otherwise waste time away with a new game? It's the normal, natural decision.

I need to do some quick Christmas shopping online, then head towards my bed in some pathetic attempt at studying that will probably end with sleeping. I imagine it'd probably be good for me, though. Could probably use the sleep.

So, off I go!
Jason on 12.12.06 @ 06:06 PM JST [link]